Masculine-Feminine Polarity
The struggle is real!
In 2025, most people are struggling in the world of relationships. Add to this the deep wound in the souls of so many individuals, and is it any wonder that broken people attempting to relate is not working. But this struggle runs a lot deeper than many people realize. In today’s often splintered society, hyper-compartmentalization is moving people further away from deep, holistic spiritual truths. The path to deep and meaningful emotional intimacy requires an understanding of these holistic truths.
The subject of masculine-feminine polarity needs some guardrails around it as a topic before diving deep into the content. Firstly, the acknowledgement that we live in a universe defined by duality. Hot and cold, light and dark, up and down, and so on. These dualities create a powerful charge that exists between the two. Our very existence in human bodies depends on this polarizing charge, in this case between the atom and the electron. As human beings we seem to love to complicate things, but this simplicity underlies all that we experience here.
In human romantic relationships it is no different. The phrase, ‘opposites attract’ is pointing to this very truth. So when talking about masculine and feminine polarity, we are talking about energy forces that underlie the totality of all things.
Defining Masculine and Feminine
So what is meant by masculine and feminine? Men and women? No, not exactly. Whilst it is common for men to animate masculine energy, and women to animate feminine energy, it is by no means a fixed rule. What we are talking about here runs much deeper, a spiritual force that when expressed between two people has an intense energetic charge contained within it. Sexual attraction arises primarily out of this polarity, this attraction of opposites. With that in mind, allow me to speak in broader terms, about what masculine energy is, and what feminine energy is.
Masculine energy is a grounding, protective, calm, boundaried, decisive energy force. It is the solidity of buildings, rock formations, and the rich but sometimes shadowy soil, all it contains, and all that grows out of it. That solidity is vital, essential, and necessary to all life.
Conversely, feminine energy is wild, chaotic, immensely and overwhelmingly powerful. It is the ocean crashing against the rocks, seducing and capturing over-confident swimmers. It is also the beauty and radiance of nature, the overwhelming abundance of the natural world.
Life is balance. Without BOTH of these aspects co-existing and dancing harmoniously, this balance cannot be achieved and sustained. The very same is true of the dance between the masculine and the feminine as it expresses itself in romantic relationships. The vast majority of people attempting to engage in romantic relationships are unaware of this dynamic. Add to this the current War on Masculinity, and the increasingly aggressive over-reach of pre-eminent feminism into ideas about the mental health of men, and it creates quite the mess. This is how we arrive at the quagmire that is modern relationships.
I will often say to clients that romantic relationships are, on the face of it, one of the hardest tasks assigned to us. You experience an attraction to this person based on the natural polarity that I’ve just been talking about. You then are required to spend more time with this person than anybody else in your life, this person that, because of the attraction of opposites, in many ways you have less in common with than everybody else in your life. What a conundrum! What happens for many couples when the initial excitement of this attraction wears off is a variation of defeat: Some give up and abandon the relationship at the first hurdle; some go into quiet apathy and just ‘put up’ with their lot (men especially can be guilty of this). Another thing that often happens is that the couple as an entity starts to pull for sameness. They abandon the very differences that brought them together in mutual attraction, and become friends and roommates rather than lovers. This makes day to day life easier and in some ways more enjoyable, but throws a dampening blanket over the very attraction that brought them together in the first place. This then often leads to affairs and other betrayals.
There is another way.
A better way. A way that honors the laws of nature, and the natural forces of polarizing attraction. it involves the celebration of autonomy within the relationship space, and the celebration of the very aspects of each being that brought union in the first place. The honoring of difference is a key starting point. Many couples go into patterns of co-dependence where the relationship begins to pull for homogeneity. The differences that brought them together begin to decrease, as a relationship blob that accompanies both settles over them. This kills all attraction, as there is no longer any polarity to create that attraction. Without opposites, there is neturality, and whilst neutrality might be a pleasant way to live in day to day affairs, as far as attraction goes it is relationship cancer.
Be honest with yourself. Cast your mind back to the very things that originally attracted you to your partner. Now bring your mind forward to the present, and be really honest with yourself. Have you actually worked quite hard to eliminate some of those things as part of the relationship? If your partner has a masculine energy, have you worked hard to pull him out of his shell? Have you attempted to soften his edges that at times feel abrasive? Have you insisted that the clarity of his vision needs to align with the goals of the relationship, diminishing his clarity and powerful intuition in the process? And if your partner has a feminined energy, have you tried to suppress some of the more ‘hysterical’ aspects of the energy? Have you tried to get her to talk less? Have you failed to nurture her core so that she herself has beome colder and more calcified? Have you shut down and taken space whenever a fight occurs, rather than leaning in and opening up your heart more?
The good news is if you have fallen into these patterns of neutrality in your relationship, there is a way forward that brings back the very best that each individual has to bring to the relationship energetically. The bad news is that it takes WORK! That’s where I come in. If you want to learn more about this topic, and how to restore the dynamics of polarity in your relationship, then book a consult today and we can talk more about this. Equally, if you are currently single, but you recognize from reading this some of the destructive patterns in previous relationships, book a consult call so we can prevent something like this happening again for you in the future.
About The Author
Duncan Collins is a lifestyle coach and practicing psychotherapist. He offers virtual video sessions from anywhere in the world to those who want to go beyond the limitations currently holding them back in their lives, and become the best possible version of themselves. He draws from 20 years of professional experience, as well as a lifetime of experiencing personal growth challenges and victories, to help you unlock the truest and most optimal version of yourself that’s hidden away inside.
